Little Lies Mommies Believe

Mark started an awesome new series this week called True(ish).  It got me thinking about how easy it is for me, without even realizing it, to fall for some of Satan’s lies.  He talked about how Satan is too crafty to try to get us believe an out and out lie, but will often convolute the truth just a little bit, because even that small amount will, over time, cause us to drift further and further away from God.

 For example, if we’re Christians, Satan knows that we probably won’t go for the lie that we should never go to church again because we have better things to do but he may whisper little half-truths about the importance of family time, yard work, Little League or how it’s just so hard to find a church that meets my needs.  Pretty soon, we find ourselves going to church once a month and then as other priorities take over, maybe just on the big days. 

One area where I find myself repeatedly susceptible to Satan’s lies is the fact that my children belong to the Lord.  I know this in my head but it is often hard for me to believe it in my heart.  I know this because I constantly struggle with anxiety, especially when it comes to my kids.  If they’re sick, I’m on WebMD checking their symptoms.  I also obsessively take their temperature every 15 minutes with our ear thermometer.   If they misbehave, I imagine the same behavior, amplified, 10 years from now, perhaps resulting in a prison term.  They go to a good public school, yet I find myself constantly browsing the sites of private schools in the area to find something better.  I have read dozens of parenting books in the hopes of finding the fool-proof formula to raising happy, well-adjusted children who love the Lord and won’t end up in therapy someday because of me.

Of course there is no formula, because God doesn’t want us to trust in good parenting techniques. He wants us to trust in Him.  When our children are sick or misbehaving, He doesn’t want us to turn to a website. He wants us to turn to Himself.  Who better to talk to about our children when we’re worried, than the One who made them, loves them more than we ever could and already has a perfect plan for their lives.  

When Daddy is Gone

Mark doesn’t have to travel too often, but when he does, I feel like my whole world falls apart.   At least one of the children usually gets sick with something equivalent to the Bubonic Plague.  There are several temper tantrums and meltdowns (it’s usually Mommy misbehaving, not the kids).  We end up eating gourmet meals like hot dogs w/ baby carrots for dinner every night.   The worst thing, by far, though is the feeling of loneliness that comes over me when the kids are all tucked in and we usually have our time to talk about our day.  That's when I miss him the most.  

It's really easy to feel sorry for myself when Mark is gone, but recently I’ve been trying to be mindful of the military wives I know who have to make do without their husbands on a regular basis.  That really puts things into perspective.  The longest we’ve been apart is two weeks, but that is nothing compared to trying to survive a 15 month deployment. 

 A whole year without a husband or father.  Birthdays, Christmas, funerals, weddings without a date, house and car repairs, new babies being born.  I can’t imagine trying to make it through a whole year of family trials and tribulations without my husband there.  I think I would curl up into a little ball, pull the covers over my head and just wait it out until he came home!

 With Memorial Day coming up, I thought it would be a good idea to of course honor our men and women currently uniform, but also to honor their spouses, who have to literally hold down the fort while they are away.  My good friend, Ginger, is an army wife who HAS survived a 15 month deployment and lived to tell about it!  She has a wonderful blog entry about what it’s like to be a military family.  I highly recommend reading it and then if you know someone whose spouse is deployed or even has to travel often, reach out to them.  Invite them over for dinner, offer to baby-sit their kids or run an errand for them.  It could make all the difference between sanity and insanity for some brave mommy or daddy trying to make it on their own by reminding them that they’re not alone!

Sunday Recap

I love going to church.  I love the worship (our band does such a great job), the sermons (of course), the leaving of my children in the care of our wonderful children’s ministry volunteers (hey, we all need a little break).  This week, Caleb’s class had a pajama party with freshly made waffles!!!  Sunday School has come a long way since I was a kid!  Needless to say he had lots of fun and was too full from his “three breakfasts” (he’s there both services, plus ate at home in the morning) to eat lunch.

Now that Nathan is getting older, he has been asking to go to “big church” with us.  We want him to see what his dad does on Sundays, so we said, sure, he could come to service some time.   This morning he asked me again if he could come to 1^st service with me and go to Kidventure 2^nd service.  I agreed, completely forgetting that Mark was talking about affairs and sexual temptation today (David and Bathsheba) until he started his sermon.  Since we were sitting in the front row, I couldn’t really sneak out without being disruptive, so we stayed.  Thankfully, much of the “affair” part was over his head, although he did take some pretty good sermon notes, including: “do not marry more than one women”, “1 Samuel and Deudermony are in the Bible” and “David was in a box, with a fox”.  

Since Mark talked about modesty a little bit this week, I ran across some modesty guidelines a father (Michael Hyatt) shared with his five daughters that I thought were helpful.  Have a great week!

• If you have trouble getting into or out of it, it is probably not modest.
• If you have to be careful when you sit down or bend over, it is probably not modest.
• If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest
• If you can see your private body parts or an outline of those parts under the fabric, it is probably not modest.

Poor Baby

Is there anything more painful than watching your children suffer?  We are so blessed to have four mostly happy, healthy children.   I can only imagine what it must be like to have a child with a terminal illness or, like so many mothers in other parts of the world, to watch your child go hungry.  

That being said, our little Naomi has a bad case of eczema, which by the way, is code for, “We don’t know why your baby has this rash or when it will go away!” Most children with eczema have little rashes here and there, but Naomi’s eczema covers her whole body.  We have to keep her hands covered with socks when it flares up or she will scratch herself until she bleeds.  We have tried every kind of medication and cream and have even had her tested for food allergies (of which she has several), but it never really goes away for long. 

Needless to say, as good natured as she is, our poor baby is miserable much of the time.  And when the baby is miserable, I’m miserable.  Which makes my husband miserable.  We are Lee Miserables. 

One particularly difficult day, we decided to spend some time praying for Naomi.  I don’t remember all of Mark’s prayer, but I do remember the part that bothered me the most.  He prayed that God would heal her, but if He chose not to, then He would instead build her character through her suffering.  I really didn’t want to give God that option.  I just wanted the rash and the itchiness to go away, so she could be her normal happy self. 

But the more I thought about it, and as much as I hated to admit it, my husband was right. Romans 5:3-4 says, “Suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”  I want so much for my kids to grow up to be Godly men and women with strong character and conviction, but strength of character can never come from an easy life.  Stevie Wonder says, “The two big advantages I had at birth were to have been born wise and to have been born in poverty.”  Helen Keller says about suffering, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” 

When we try to insulate our children from every kind of pain and difficulty, we only prevent them from growing and developing into the kind of people God wants them to be.  So while I can’t wait for Naomi to be itch-free, I am even more excited to see the beautiful character that will one day be developed in her.  

Sunday Recap

 

I hope everyone had a fabulous Mother’s Day!  My morning started with my two oldest boys, Nathan and Hayden, bringing me breakfast in bed.  Toast with strawberry jam, watermelon and orange juice.  They also each gave me a lovely card they made at school.  Hayden had filled out 3 of those coupons, you know the ones, “Good for one back rub”, etc.  Except I think he misunderstood what they were for, because he had written, “Car, Target, and Albertsons” on mine.  Hey, I’ll take the car…and Target!

Then it was off to church!  I always love my husband’s sermons, but I have to say that this week, he really nailed it.  We’ve been doing our Faith Like Country series based on the life of David.  Since it was Mother’s Day, Mark talked about David as a parent.  He pointed out that while David was a brilliant king and military leader, he struggled to lead his family well.  We can learn lots of valuable lessons about parenting from David’s life.

The principle I identified with the most is to not be a passive parent but to actively engage with your children.  Let’s face it, though, passive is easy, engaging is hard.  It is so much easier to simply let things slide.  To discipline our children, takes time and there is often no immediate, visible change in behavior or attitude.  I get discouraged when I have to discipline my boys about the same thing time and time again.  I’ve learned, though, that discipline is like sowing seeds, where the fruit isn’t usually seen until later.  It’s important to just stay consistent and in time, change will come. 

It is also difficult to engage with our kids when we are busy trying to do our own thing.  Even though I’m a stay at home mom, it’s fairly easy for me to be disengaged most of the day.  Checking Facebook, working on my new blog, laundry, cleaning bathrooms, the list goes on and on.  Oftentimes, my children feel like a distraction from my work, and I forget that they ARE my work. While I love a tidy house more than the average OCD IE mommy, the goal of biblical parenting never mentions the condition of my floors or the height of my laundry pile. It speaks to my ability to make a godly “impression” (Deut 6:7) on them. As long as my 4 year old and I don’t end up on the cover of Time magazine, I’m willing to do almost anything to see that they get the best of me.

Half-way to Octomom

I used to think people who had more than three children, unless they needed extra field hands, were crazy.  We just had our fourth child six months ago.  Naomi is our first girl and we can’t imagine life without her.  Our youngest son (who is a wonderful, sweet four year old now) was such a challenging, strong-willed little guy as a toddler that he would scream and cry for over an hour when he didn’t get his way.  I was so exhausted dealing with him, I couldn’t imagine juggling another one. Plus, I had undergone three previous C-sections. We really had every reason in the world not to have another baby, but we just couldn’t escape the notion that our family was not yet complete.

So here I am now, celebrating my 9th Mother’s Day, half-way to Octomom!  As hard as some days are, keeping up with laundry, changing diapers, helping with homework, wondering what to make for dinner again, sleepless nights spent nursing sick little ones,  I am so in awe that I get to raise and nurture these four future pastors, missionaries, doctors, parents, and maybe even a President!  Because really the possibilities are endless, aren’t they?  It’s so easy to forget that my influence, for better or worse, will be felt throughout their lives and down through future generations. 

Greatness doesn’t happen by accident.  Bonnie Angelo, in her book, First Mothers: The Women Who Shaped the Presidents describes the mothers of Presidents as “not stained-glass mothers but lively doers who funneled boundless energy into their sons, mixing praise and discipline in equal measure.  And through them put her stamp on American history.”  Godliness also doesn’t happen by accident.  Billy Graham says of his mother, “Of all the people I have ever known, she had the greatest influence on me. I am sure one reason that the Lord has directed and safeguarded me, as well as Ruth and the children, through the years was the prayers of my mother and father." 

Happy Mother’s Day to all you precious moms out there and let’s not forget, even if our children are grown, they will feel our love and influence and prayers throughout their lifetime.